STEPS

1. Treat visitors kindly. The biggest reason that people tend to attack your home on Halloween is that you might be avoiding giving them candy. If you show yourself to be a welcoming neighbor, you might not get vandalized.
2. Pretend you are not in. If you decide to ignore trick-or-treaters, make sure you make people think you just aren't home. People probably won't attack your house if they don't think you are there. Turn off the main lights, shut the curtains and pretend you aren't there.
3. Tape up the letterbox, the only point of entry to your house. This prevents things like stink bombs, etc.
4. If you have the choice of parking your vehicles behind your house or next to the street, pick behind your house. This prevents drive-by eggings.
5. Hide in a bush with a hose. If you see someone who is going to vandalize your house aim and fire.
6. If you have to go somewhere, ask someone who is not doing anything to do the above step for you.

TIPS

If you follow the above steps, the worst thing that can happen is that the front of your house get a little messy/smelly. This is sad, but not the end of the world, and remember, Halloween is supposed to be fun!!

WARNINGS

If you live in an area where you can expect passerbys to be carrying weapons, you might be safer skipping the hose step. If you are living a carefree but vengeful life this step is for you.

THINGS YOU'LL NEED

• A hose
• Patience
• tape
• kindness